


The Innocence of a Child

by sahlo_folina



Series: pick it all up and start again [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Hood/Arsenal (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Overdose, Jason and Roy were meant to be platonic, Jason is Lian’s wacky murder uncle, Roy needs a hug too, but they lowkey ended up acting like a married couple, canon? never heard of her, someone please give Jason a hug, this was meant to be cute but turned real sad real quick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26070286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sahlo_folina/pseuds/sahlo_folina
Summary: Lian calls him ‘Uncle Jay’. He told himself that he’d never have kids, that he didn’t deserve happiness.But Lian doesn’t look at him like he’s a monster.
Relationships: Lian Harper & Jason Todd
Series: pick it all up and start again [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2149674
Comments: 3
Kudos: 123





	The Innocence of a Child

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t actually gotten to read any of the comics featuring Roy or Lian yet, so apologies if anything sounds completely unrealistic. But also, canon only exists to supply me with inspiration, not facts. This takes place in my own universe where Roy is a Stressed Dad™ and Jason is a good bro who helps with babysitting and is always around and probably sleeps on Roy’s couch most nights even though he has his own place.

_ “Uncle Jay!”  _

_ “Hey, princess! I missed you!”  _

Uncle Jay. He wasn’t sure when she’d started calling him that. Roy teased him mercilessly about it. Jason laughed it off and pretended it didn’t mean anything to him. 

It did. 

He always said he didn’t want kids, he wasn’t cut out to be a parent. He had his own problems, it wouldn’t be fair to anyone if he tried raising a child of his own. And he stuck by that. 

But, still. 

He cared for Lian. He’d never admit it, but maybe, just maybe, he even loved her. 

He wasn’t a good person. He knew that. He was a killer, a criminal. He’d watched the life fade out of so many eyes, been the reason so many people no longer walked the earth. Too many people to count. (Eighty-three.) Too many to remember. (He knew each of their names.) But, somehow, the universe had decided that this little girl, this innocent child, would look at him with stars in her eyes. Would look at him as if she thought he would do anything for her. (He would.) Would look at him as if he was a hero. (He wasn’t.) 

He was a monster, but she didn’t see it.

_ “Uncle Jay, can we go shooting tomorrow? I’ve gotten lots better since last time, Daddy gave me a bow for my birthday and I’ve been practicing!” _

_ “Of course we can, kiddo! Might even drag your old man along, if he promises to behave.” _

There were times when it was almost too much. Times when Jason woke up screaming from the nightmares, times when he couldn’t close his eyes without seeing death and bodies and blood, so much blood. Blood on his hands, blood under his fingernails. He scrubbed and scrubbed but it wouldn’t come off. It never came off. He knew how much of a disappointment he was. He had done things that could never be forgiven. Never should be forgiven. 

But Lian forgave him. She forgave him without even knowing what there was to forgive. He felt guilty, felt like he was lying to her. He thought of telling her, of seeing the fear and horror in her eyes as he named every time he’s killed, every life he’s destroyed. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Maybe he wanted one person, just one, to think he was a hero. To think he deserved love. 

Maybe he was selfish. But hadn’t he suffered enough to have one small light in his dark life? 

_“Uncle Jay, why were you and Daddy fighting last night?”_

_“You heard that?”_

_“Yeah. You guys woke me up.”_

_“I’m sorry, kiddo. Your dad’s just... he was sick for a long time. I thought he got better, and he was better for a while, but. Last night I realized he was sick again. I was upset that he didn’t tell me, and I lost my temper. I said some things I shouldn’t’ve. I’m sorry for shouting.”_

_“It’s okay. Does he need to go to the doctor? Should we check his temperature, that’s what he does when I don’t feel good....”_

_“It’s... it’s not that kind of sick.”_

_“Will he get better?”_

_“I sure hope so, sweetheart.”_

Jason told himself, time and again, to leave. Get out of Lian’s life before he ruined her, too. Break her heart gently so that he wouldn’t have a chance to shatter it completely. Disappear and become nothing more than a memory, a memory of hugs and laughter and shooting lessons and bedtime stories. 

But he didn’t. He knows she wouldn’t miss him. (She would.) Knows he could walk away without a backward glance if he really tried. (He couldn’t.) But he needed her. It was pathetic for a grown man to be so dependent on a child, a child that wasn’t even his own flesh and blood. 

He wasn’t her father. 

She wasn’t his daughter. 

But maybe, just maybe, they were still family. 

_“Uncle Jay, when will Daddy wake up?”_

_“I don’t know, kiddo. He’s pretty sick. I hope he wakes up soon, though.”_

_“Is it the kind of sick you talked about before?”_

_“Yes. Your dad... he’s feeling really sad right now. He’s gonna need both of us to help cheer him up when we go home.”_

_“Should I sing to him? That always seems to make him happy. Oh! And I’ll draw him a picture of us! He likes hanging my drawings on the wall!”_

_“Those sound like great ideas.”_

_..._

_“Uncle Jay?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“I’m scared.”_

_“Me too. But it’s going to be okay. We’re all going to be okay.”_

**Author's Note:**

> [i have a tumblr!](https://hushlittlewing.tumblr.com/)


End file.
